I don't know what to think or how to think. things are just all over the map and I don't know what to do. I kinda know what to do I'm just not sure how to get from point a to point b and well that makes things confusing.

love ya!

I really wish that things weren't so hard in life. That things were just a little bit easier to deal with. I mean it was just one of those all of a sudden everything went to hell in a handbasket real quick like. I don't know exactly know where everything went to pieces. I just really didn't see it coming like that and it was like getting hit by a truck then a train and then the ambulance that was coming to save you all at once. I just don't know where it's gonna go. I have a few things that I need to go do so maybe later I'll be back to add.

love ya! and i really mean it.

I'm sitting here trying to wrap my head around everything and it just makes it worse. There's a piece of silk wisteria sitting in front of me a painful reminder of what's happened in the last two weeks. It's all that's left of a broken and crushed dream of the wedding I wanted. The one I had thought would be perfect but now that's all that I have left. I still have the rings, the boy and the hopes of getting married just nor with the wedding and the family and friends.

I'll come back later to lick the wounds of my broken heart.

I'm so sore. I spent 7 hours today cleaning out the back room to only get the stuff off the floor and then two and a half shelves clean. It's kinda like in the Green mile where they clean out that room and they have all that stuff in there. Except I'm doing it by myself. They kept sending people to help me but no one that really would have been a help. Justin would be the only one worth helping me and he had the day off because he went to the Astros game last night. But I knew that.

more later when i ever get a chance.

love ya!

Obviously the boy and I aren't good at hiding it. Multiple people that we work with have asked us. The thing is they always get one of us off from the other to ask. I tried to hide it the first time I got asked but slowly sank that ship when Jessica point blank ask me is it...I couldn't hide it then. We told Joe_K though because we figured it would keep Rusty off our back. Before we could bring it up though as a sit down he asked and you can't lie when the boss asks.

There are too many things going on so I don't even know where to start. Of course it would be better if I could really have time to talk about it. But I love spending time with the boy more than anything else. Even giving up some sleep to stay snuggled up with him. It's great that I found someone that I love as much as him and that loves me too.

Now we have some people that we work with who have gone a little far though. We came back from lunch on Saturday and one of the guys that works at back hardware started sniffing the boy. And then asked what is was like. We've gone from being just friends to sleeping together in no time flat according to the people that we work with. I mean it wouldn't bother me so much but to sniff him and ask that when we come back from lunch on  Saturday. Of course the boy only tells me these things a few days after the fact. Partly because he knows that it upsets me. But they don't say those things in front of me or to me, only to him. Anyway things to do before the boy gets here.

love ya!